South Beach Bitch

"Yes yes the south beach diet has become cliche, (nearly as cliche as South Beach itself, *chortle*). But the reunion is weeks away and nothing but the most punishing regime will do."

Short heir apparent

Grandfather's second wife, though small in stature, was voracious in her appetites. She squandered the family fortune and lost our estate to her creditors.

Yacht dog

"Boating season can be a nightmare after too many bloody mary's"

Gossip Dog

"Chace Crawford eat your heart out."

Money Fixes Everything

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...but the Beamer's to make up for my missing testicles."

Shuttle pup

"This costume party better be open bar."

Escaped from the Maersk

"The risks of piracy are well worth the rewards. Aside from all the sea-dogs and salty bitches, I plan to build a villa outside Mogadishu."