South Beach Bitch

"Yes yes the south beach diet has become cliche, (nearly as cliche as South Beach itself, *chortle*). But the reunion is weeks away and nothing but the most punishing regime will do."

Short heir apparent

Grandfather's second wife, though small in stature, was voracious in her appetites. She squandered the family fortune and lost our estate to her creditors.

Yacht dog

"Boating season can be a nightmare after too many bloody mary's"

Gossip Dog

"Chace Crawford eat your heart out."

Money Fixes Everything

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...but the Beamer's to make up for my missing testicles."

Shuttle pup

"This costume party better be open bar."

Escaped from the Maersk

"The risks of piracy are well worth the rewards. Aside from all the sea-dogs and salty bitches, I plan to build a villa outside Mogadishu."

Who's high maintenance?

"So then I said, just between us of course, that if she can't even keep an eye on her own husband perhaps she should spend a little less time chatting with mine."

Minuet in Dog

"I spent my formative days at Julliard, when I was young and my fingers were supple."

via Best Week Ever

The Event of the Season

"That bitch better invite me to the Black & White Party"

Thank goodness grandfather isn't here to see the state of the Dow.

Welcome to Haute Dogs

"Wipe your feet. I've just put down new carpeting."